The paper is blue and not white. Everything must be blue, baby blue. That’s her favorite color. The smell of the burnt incense filled the air as Rachel flipped through the brochure. She sat at the kitchen table at 4AM forcing a smile and remembering her wedding. It was beautiful then and she wished she could go back to that time, instead she sat in the kitchen flipping through brochures avoiding sleep.
It was stuffy. Seventy degrees and raining. The AC was broken. There was nothing else to do but to force a silly smile trying to formulate an opinion, a sincere one, without jealousy; but she couldn’t. Her sister Carmen, the bride to be, needed an answer by the afternoon. Every napkin she looked at crushed her heart. Her own marriage had dwindled to nothing.
Leslie wasn’t going to get up for the next two hours, that’s when she was going back to bed. It’s what they did now, avoid each other, making simple talk, and wiping their mind clean of their daily routine. They weren’t lovers anymore, not even friends, just passerby’s only remembering that they existed in the same space and time waiting for it to run out. The house were like galleries of hallways leading to empty rooms. Rooms that were draped with long curtains sweeping the floor every time that Rachel thought she deserved some warmth from the sun. It was the only warmth she could get from a cathedral of a house. Her husband supplied her with nothing more.
Rachel closed the brochure. The napkin she had in her hand was becoming too old for her. It was heavy and bore a resemblance to the death of her marriage. She wanted to tear it to pieces, put it in an envelope and mail it off to her dear sister. It would be a badly needed message that her marriage was going to end up just as miserable as hers. But her energy level for her hate, left her; replacing with solemnness and disdain. She laid the napkin on the table, sitting back on the chair with her hands folded.
It wasn’t until she heard the cup slammed against the counter that she realized she had dozed off. Her husband, Leslie, was up making sure she knew that she had to move out of the kitchen. Her presence was once again disturbing to him. Rachel stretched her arms before getting up.
“Before you go, we need to talk.” Leslie’s stern voice was scratching the surface of what she knew would leave a gaping hole in her.
“What? I don’t have time for this.” Rachel said.
“I don’t give a damn what you think you don’t have time for! What the hell do you do around here anyway! You don’t work and now I find that you’re spending money on your damn sister!” Leslie yelled.
“My sister? I didn’t spend any money on her. Her fiancé is paying for the entire thing.” Rachel’s hand had given her away, shaking uncontrollably.
“You already get your allowance and you think you can dip in for more? You don’t work! You do nothing to contribute to anything in this house! Nothing! I don’t know why I married you!” Leslie screamed.
“I thought you married me for love. But do you even know what that means anymore? Do you? All you do is complain about everything. I don’t know what I’ve done to you. What?” Rachel was furious. He would never say what it is that turned him into this monster. She couldn’t figure it out. One day he just woke up on the wrong side of the bed and he’s been there ever since.
Leslie drank his coffee, reading his tablet, before speaking.
“You are a liar. You don’t ever know what you do. You just do. Then you say you don’t know as if you are so innocent. I’ve given you everything. Everything that most women would dream of and all you do is take me for granted. I think we should call it quits. It’s been done for a while. You know that and I know that.” Leslie had taken his last sip, before walking out.
As he left, Rachel looked at their bank account, contemplating that maybe she had spent too much on her sister. They had more than most. A little bit of a one-time spending wasn’t supposed to hurt, but Leslie hated Carmen. She should have been more discreet. She waited twenty minutes more before moving. It took about 20 minutes before he was officially out of the house and off to work. She was alone again. A moment of piece before her guilt kicked in. As usual, it kicked in with full force.
His words pounded in her mind. She had no job. She did nothing all day. She had no one just him and he didn’t want her anymore. It was those words that they’ve been done for a whilethat sunk in. She’d heard it before. Yet, there was nothing for her to do. Nowhere to go. No friends to speak of. Her rags to riches story was just that. Her friends were still using rags and she has no new ones to share her riches. It wasn’t like she could anyway. He wouldn’t allow it. His strict cap on her spending prevented her from doing anything without his permission. It was pure hell.
He’s right. They’ve been done for a while now. Today was the day she was going to hangout in her old neighborhood. It’s easier to deal with people who knew how important the use of rags are. It cleaned the mess up and right now her life was a mess.